Elton John and Carly Simon Walk Into a Bar
by ALadyofStardust
Summary: In which Jareth and Sarah have a rare date night outside the apartment and nobody is very good at anything at all. Karaoke ensues and Jareth still loves Elton John. **Part of the Apartment-verse. Please see my profile for story order**


_Hope is the thing with feathers_

\- Emily Dickinson

* * *

Sarah leaned against the end of the booth, letting her legs take up the length of the bench. She nursed her pint of beer as she watched the man she was in love with, hit on another women.

It looked like it was going about how she was expecting. That is to say, good for her, bad for him.

He sidled back into the booth looking extremely pleased with himself. Sarah shook her head and held out her hand expectantly.

He proudly placed a napkin with a scribbled phone number on it into her hand.

"I knew it," she said glancing down at the number. "This is a fake number."

"What?" Jareth replied, shocked.

"Yeah, this is the rejection hotline. I used to use this on guys who I did not want to give my number to. You call it and it just plays a recorded message about how nobody wants to talk to you. I told you, you picked the wrong mark," she said, smugly taking another sip of her beer. "Plus I kinda figured the whole 'I don't have a smartphone for really weird suspicious reasons' was going to be a major turn off no matter how good your flirting is."

"Well it got me you didn't it?" He snarked, taking a sulking sip of his own beer.

"Yeah but I'm lazy and you have basically lived in my apartment for the last couple years and you're still better than Tinder," she joked, tossing three napkins his way. "I won by the way, so you owe me one favour of my choosing."

"You got three?" He said in surprise looking through her collected phone numbers. "How on earth did you manage to get three while I was gone?"

"Uh, I'm a hot girl in a bar who literally went up to guys asking if they were interested in grabbing a drink sometime - I'm playing on easy mode," she said with a shrug. "Though if you weren't such an unrelenting weirdo we'd probably be on even footing. You're extremely hot, and for all my posturing, you give good flirt."

"So no karaoke?" He asked, and Sarah had to suppress a smile at the disappointment in his voice. He was really cute when he pouted.

"Yeah sorry, but there was no way I was doing a 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart' duet. You're going to have to get me way drunker than that."

"But when I knocked on your door you gave me your key," he said softly.

"Your obsession with Elton John is a never ending source of amusement for me Rocket Man," she laughed. "I'll let you know next time he's in concert here and we can magic poof our way backstage so you can converse with the high peacock himself."

"I really must know who makes those costumes," he muttered under his breath and Sarah smiled again.

It was one of their rare date nights outside the apartment. They both usually preferred to hang around either the castle or her place. They could be themselves, and talk freely and just relax. Plus she didn't have to wear pants or a bra, and the outside world really frowned on walking around without them.

But Jareth had just learned about karaoke and Sarah did kinda want to check out the new place that had opened a few blocks from her apartment. Though she was definitely not a singer, a lesson that had been emphasized to her by everyone who had ever heard her pitiful attempts to carry a tune. The goblins on the other hand loved her voice, and had been bugging her to join their choir for years now. That by itself was enough of a sign that she definitely absolutely should not ever sing in public.

Jareth, on the other hand, was a great singer and loved music. The jerk had the audacity to be a talented musician in just about every instrument and had what Sarah could only describe as an intoxicating voice. But the music Underground was extremely limited. Jareth could play the bejeezus out of a guitar, but music wasn't natural to him and he could not compose anything himself. Sarah knew that for all she might suck, she could still make up little songs about the stupid microwave not reheating her food properly or about her shampoo while she showered. Jareth had heard her singing lamely about her laundry one day and he had insisted she compose the whole song for him right then and there. He backed off as soon as she told him the words and tune were pretty limited to "folding up my laundry folding it up real nice."

So naturally, he loved the idea of karaoke, the ability to show off his musical talents through the creativity of others he so sorely longed for. Sarah was sympathetic and had lent him her entire CD collection, along with her dad's old record player and box of Elton John albums. Her dad and Jareth had managed to bond over Benny and the Jets while Sarah sat in her parent's living room wondering what the hell was even happening in her life anymore. Though the video she took of them duetting the final verse was worth its weight in gold.

"We need to find our couple song precious," he told her, taking a long swig of his IPA.

"What?" She said, distracted by how good he looked in that leather jacket with his hair slicked back in a ponytail. It was now his go-to human disguise and she knew why.

It was because she was crazy into it and made it known each and every time he wore it just how into it she was. Mostly with her mouth.

"I was watching this documentary," he began, but Sarah held up a hand to stop him.

"Gonna cut you off right there, it wasn't a documentary."

"You don't even know what I'm talking about," he said.

"Anything that has led you to believe we need a couple song is not a documentary; did you just watch Love Actually again? It's a Christmas movie Jareth and it's March."

"That is an excellent film but I am well aware it is not a documentary thank you very much Ms. Williams," he snarked. "No I was watching a documentary about the real sinking of the titanic."

Sarah couldn't help herself, she burst out laughing. "Not a documentary, a 90s melodrama with Billy Zane babe."

"It was based on a real event," he corrected her.

"Yeah _loosely_."

"Well you weren't there, you don't actually know what happened."

"Neither were you!"

"But I saw a film about it."

"We watched the same movie! It's Titanic!" Sarah exclaimed, exasperated. This was both why she loved him and why she couldn't stand him. Impossible to argue with, but boy was it a good time.

"Why would they make a movie about a true event and then fictionalize it?" he prodded.

"Because it makes a good story," she tried to explain. "Also even if it was entirely factual, unless you were actually there, your base knowledge is pretty limited so creating stories around these real events usually helps us understand them better. People went ape for Titanic immediately following this movie's release and oh my god you're just teasing me," she finished as she watched his smirk get wider and wider until he was just straight grinning at her.

"You must let me have my fun, nobody here finds me attractive at all," he said with a mock pout.

"Well I can tell you there's at least one person here who finds you hot," she said, taking another long drag of her beer.

"I love you too darling," he drawled.

"I didn't say I was talking about me," she said, sticking out her tongue.

"Nope I think you find me quite foxy," he winked.

"Gross! Who says foxy anymore? Ugh you lounge lizard."

"You love me too," he teased and reached over to her side of the booth to give her a quick peck on the lips.

"Ugh, IPA breath," she muttered.

He slid out of his side of the booth and walked over to hers and climbed in.

"No you love me and I won't let up until you admit it," he teased, poking her in the ribs.

"No go away! You're gross I don't like you at all," she whined as he began to tickle her slightly.

"Kiss me fair maiden," he said planting a series of kisses on her cheeks and temples as she tried to push him away between her laughs.

"Maidens kiss princes not kings," she protested.

"Well you're hardly a maiden," he pointed out, giving her another peck on the cheek before retreating to his side of the booth.

"You would know," she said, thinking about last night. They hadn't even made it to the bed. If she hadn't been around Jareth for so long now she might have blushed thinking about the breathless way he pulled her on top of him. The way she sighed into his shoulder blades and felt his body shudder underneath hers. Yeah that part was pretty good. "I think I'm still sore."

"Well writhing around on the floor will do that to a person," he smirked.

"Again, you would know," she replied. "I wasn't the one who couldn't wait until the end of Jurassic Park."

"I just don't understand why everyone couldn't be content with the herbivores. How is it you get a group of governing officials to agree to bring back the enormous apex predators and nobody stops to say 'well perhaps we like being top of the food chain'. Honestly, it makes very little sense."

"See the weird thing is I actually agree with you there-"

Sarah stopped mid-sentence because Jareth had left the booth and was instead walking up to the stage.

"What," she hissed under her breath.

The announcer welcomed someone named Jared to the stage, Sarah didn't know a Jared but she did know her boyfriend had just picked up the mic. The first few bars of Carly Simon filled the room and Sarah's stomach dropped out from under her.

"Fuck, fuck, double fuck," she swore as Jareth began just laying into You're So Vain.

She wasn't sure if she was mad or impressed at his truly next level trolling skills. He had to know that she'd basically earmarked this song as being about their early relationship. Hell, he'd seen the very overdramatic playlist she'd made because he couldn't seem to keep his hands off her damn iPod. Except now he was turning in on her.

"Just because he lost the number game, now he's gonna Carly Simon my ass," she said into her quickly dwindling beer. She downed it and signalled the waitress for another. Not today, no no, not today was this going to be happening.

She stood up and began walking over to the stage. He was just finishing up the chorus and the entire room had basically stopped what they were doing to listen to him. She couldn't really blame them. It's not like it was everyday a preening fae king came in to sing about apricot scarves.

She sighed heavily and held out her hand as the second verse started. He obligingly handed her the mic looking far too pleased with himself. He was betting on her ability to never back down from a challenge, even an unspoken one.

"You had me several years ago when I was still quite naive," she began, launching into the second verse. The entire room looked like someone had just slapped them based on their reactions to her voice compared to Jareth's. Sarah didn't care. This song wasn't about them. A musical duel she'd lose every time, but she wasn't going down without a fight. She was singing Carly but her eyes said 'fight me'. He at least had the good sense to look mildly unsettled.

He joined her for the chorus. Though if he thought he was helping by adding harmony to her garbled melody he was…not.

She took her cues from him for the third verse, switching back and forth. The longer she sang the less she noticed the rest of the bar and instead they ended up mostly just singing to each other. By the end she had to reluctantly concede that regardless of how the rest of the bar felt about their weird musical couple fight, it was kinda fun.

The way he smirked at her after she handed the mic over the final time told her he was banking on it.

She gratefully sunk back into her booth and immediately grabbed the new beer that was waiting for her and quickly drank about a third of it. Jareth leaned back on his side and smiled at her, sipping his own fresh beer.

She didn't have time to say anything before the woman who'd previously gave him a fake number came over to their booth with some excuse about accidentally giving out her old number and wrote down what Sarah was sure was her real number this time. He arched an eyebrow at her expectantly and Sarah smiled and rolled her eyes in his general direction. After the woman left, Jareth dropped the napkin into his water glass, the ink running and obscuring the digits.

"I have to say Goblin King, your short game needs work, but you sure do know how to play the long one."

"Yes well," he said, entirely too pleased with himself. "There's something in there about living forever and my short game is your long."

"I was mostly talking about me," she said.

He let out a barking laugh that startled Sarah enough that she spilt her beer slightly.

"Sarah," he said, still laughing. "I don't have any illusions about my 'game' with you. I don't have 'game' where you're concerned. I gave up that ghost long ago. No darling, I mostly just try to be in your life and be the kind of person you'd want to have in it. Then I use my charming roguish nature to parlay that into other non-friend based activities."

"I love you, but you're dumb as hell sometimes," she said, trying not to smile too widely at his very good words. "That's literally just called dating. You're describing _dating_. Be a person someone wants to date and finds attractive - boom, you're probably dating. Like what do you even do Underground if it's not that? Do you just walk up to random ladies and go 'hello it is I, the Goblin King, as you can tell from my pants, I'm here to bone down."

"Once again Sarah, you do have such an elegant way of putting things. But in essence - yes. If you find someone reasonably attractive and it would not be politically improper or they're monogamous with their partner, then you'd either have sex and move on or you'd arrange a marriage. We don't really 'date' as it were."

"It's so weird to me," she said shaking her head. "Half the time you sound like our society about 500 years ago but with better birth control. Basically you're the Tudors. You're the sexy sexy Tudors but it's actually historically accurate. And yes, I'll lend you the boxset."

"Now why does that name sound familiar…oh yes, I knew a man named Tudor once, Hank. He was a bit of a fool to be honest. Couldn't seem to keep a wife."

"No," Sarah said, thumping her beer on the table. "You did not meet Henry VIII and you definitely did not call him fucking Hank. I don't believe you, you're messing with me."

"Yes that's who it was," Jareth said snapping his fingers in recognition. "I did call him Hank actually, he preferred it oddly, though don't know why you'd have a whole show around the sexual congress of his family, he was utterly terrible in bed."

"Stop. No. I refuse to believe you slept with Henry VIII I can't live in that world it's too weird."

"This was right around the time he was married to a young lady named Anne," he mused, completely unbothered by her brain exploding. "Though now that I think on it, you do bear rather a striking similarity to her. Perhaps I have a type after all."

"Dear diary," Sarah said shaking her head at the sky. "Today Jareth asked if we could please go outside for once. The evening began with us fighting over who had better game, and then my loving boyfriend decided to cheat by Carly Simoning his way into the lead. At which point he let me know he'd once had a threeway with arguably one of the most famous couples in history."

"You're forgetting something," he drawled. "There's more."

"No thanks Billy Mays, I don't think I can take it," she said waving her hand. "If you're about to casually mention you've banged your way through the British monarchy I'm going to need something stronger than beer. But if this is a really elaborate way to make me feel jealous you're seriously barking up the wrong tree. Mostly because these people have all been dead for 500 years but also because I think the mere thought of being unfaithful to me would make you collapse in on yourself like a dying star."

"Are you saying that's why I was so abysmal at collecting phone numbers? Because subconsciously I'm so devoted to you?" He replied wryly.

"No I'm saying that you're as bad at making me jealous as you are a picking up girls in a bar. Correlation not causation. But don't feel too bad, I'm sure you'll have come up with a new way of annoying me that is both charming and infuriating in about an hour."

"Or about three seconds," he said quietly into his beer.

"What was that?" She said, barely hearing him. This new group singing was really obnoxiously loud. Not to mention they were singing a Disney song of all things. Sounding worse than the entire goblin -

Oh.

No.

Oh _no_.

Sarah slowly swivelled in her seat to see that the aggressively bad singers were in fact her aggressively bad singers. Ludo, Sir Didymus, and Hoggle on the tambourine, were somehow muddling their way through 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight'.

"What the actual fuck," she said slowly turning to face her now beaming boyfriend.

"I really liked the Lion King," he said shrugging. "I thought Sir Elton did a magnificent job with the music."

"I really hate you," she said dragging her hand down her face. "How in the hell are you even planning on explaining this?!"

"Small glamour," he said, waving her concerns away. "They just see a group of odd looking men."

"I…didn't know Ludo was a falsetto," Sarah said, still slightly stunned.

"Yes he does have potential doesn't he," Jareth replied, considering. "Maybe there is hope for the goblin ale-harmonic choir after all."

"Well I wouldn't go that far."

"No, perhaps not. Did you have a nice time tonight?"

"Yes, still hate you though," she said giving him a half smile.

"Yes and I still love you," he said returning her smile. "Seems rather unfair."

"Well I guess that's just the way it is," she said, leaning over to give him a quick peck. "I hope you can bear it."

"I suppose I shall struggle through. Next song is your pick love."

"Yeah let's see how your goblin magic gets you through No Diggity," she said wiggling her eyebrows. "Or maybe I'll toss out a Kanye song. My rapping is trash, but at least we might be on even footing there."

"Don't worry love, I like the way you work it just fine. No diggity on my end," he deadpanned.

Sarah barely managed to avoid beer coming out her nose from laughing. Sighing, she and her Goblin King made their way to the stage to join their friends for the next verse.

They called Karaoke a tie.

* * *

 **A/N:** There are so many songfics out there that I decided to kind of play with that idea without actually writing a songfic. Also full credit to Pika for inspiring Jareth's choice.

Also there is no world out there in which 20 year old drama queen Sarah didn't have like 15 playlists all with various names like "Stupid Owls" and "Songs for Yelling at Mirrors".

Jareth has met Sarah's dad before when they had Christmas dinner together. Though because Robert notices exactly zero when it comes to his daughter, he didn't remember who he was until Sarah re-introduced him last month as her boyfriend. Karen was smug the whole time telling Robert "I told you!" and Toby wanted to know if he got a room in the castle. Sarah fake laughed and said "what castle? THERE IS NO CASTLE" while Jareth nodded behind her at Toby. Anyways, Robert is talking about taking Jareth golfing and Jareth is reading the wiki print out about golf Sarah gave him.


End file.
